Rethinking Unschooling

I've been trying to understand Jesus' model of discipleship: He called the 12 men, and then proceeded to disciple them by His messages, stories, encouragements, guided internships, rebukes and, most importantly, generally living along side with Him, 24x7.

He showed something attractive to the men He called (rough men like fishermen would not have followed a wuss) and then He guided them in their training.

I personally believe in the unschooling philosophy of education because I want my children to be intrinsically motivated rather than extrinsically. However, because we are sinful creatures, we can lose our way and be motivated for selfish gains (pride, lust, greed, etc.). (My wife is uncomfortable with unschooling so we practice delayed academics, but considering that they spend at most an hour of honest book study, it still is pretty much hands off.)

So, how do I guide my sons without being overbearing? or resorting to some kind of (constant) force? I'm struggling with how to call out my oldest son into manhood and get him slowly get used to the world of adults (before he becomes 18) and give him the right skills to live as an adult. I also want him to learn Japanese, since he is a dual citizen of Japan and U.S. Yet, I don't want him to learn things, including Japanese, just to please his parents (or grudgingly go through it because he has too).